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The terrible movies and reviews thread


Toxn

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The issue with so many action movies of today is that the stakes have grown far too high.

 

So I guess we have a female mummy this time because Hollywood has to cater to the lowest common denominator which is Millennials today and we have to change the sex and race of characters in remakes in order to virtue signal or whatever.

 

And again the villain wants to destroy the world for RAISINS and is shown destroying common tourist attractions in a major metropolitan city. That skyscraper in London that blows up? That is a 9-11 type event and zero fucks are given. Not by the characters in the film. Not by the audience. Big Ben and Parliament get destroyed. It used to be we had movies where blowing up Big Ben was the whole point of the film. Today, with CGI, it is just background special effects that gets shown for five seconds before another tourist attraction gets digitally razed.

 

In the original Mummy of 1932 the villain's goal is small stakes. Played by Boris Karloff, Iminhotep's goal is to resurrect his lost love by sacrificing a flapper. The entire onscreen death toll for the entire film is under 10 people. And that's if you count Nubian slaves, which T__A doesn't.

 

It made the movie believable. It made it more real.

 

Universal Studios wants to spin this into an entire Marvel Universe style franchise which is their right. But when I consider that Dracula centers around a vampire which only offs a handful of women, The Werewolf which terrorizes a small London village and Frankenstein where the height of destruction involves angry villagers burning down a windmill, then color me rather jaded about this franchise when I know that each one will involve ever more implausible ways for the earth or solar system or galaxy to get exploded time and again.

 

There is no sense of scale or proportion with these new movies.

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7 hours ago, Donward said:

The issue with so many action movies of today is that the stakes have grown far too high.

 

So I guess we have a female mummy this time because Hollywood has to cater to the lowest common denominator which is Millennials today and we have to change the sex and race of characters in remakes in order to virtue signal or whatever.

 

And again the villain wants to destroy the world for RAISINS and is shown destroying common tourist attractions in a major metropolitan city. That skyscraper in London that blows up? That is a 9-11 type event and zero fucks are given. Not by the characters in the film. Not by the audience. Big Ben and Parliament get destroyed. It used to be we had movies where blowing up Big Ben was the whole point of the film. Today, with CGI, it is just background special effects that gets shown for five seconds before another tourist attraction gets digitally razed.

 

In the original Mummy of 1932 the villain's goal is small stakes. Played by Boris Karloff, Iminhotep's goal is to resurrect his lost love by sacrificing a flapper. The entire onscreen death toll for the entire film is under 10 people. And that's if you count Nubian slaves, which T__A doesn't.

 

It made the movie believable. It made it more real.

 

Universal Studios wants to spin this into an entire Marvel Universe style franchise which is their right. But when I consider that Dracula centers around a vampire which only offs a handful of women, The Werewolf which terrorizes a small London village and Frankenstein where the height of destruction involves angry villagers burning down a windmill, then color me rather jaded about this franchise when I know that each one will involve ever more implausible ways for the earth or solar system or galaxy to get exploded time and again.

 

There is no sense of scale or proportion with these new movies.

 

I agree with everything except the idea that Millenials are somehow mind-controlling Hollywood execs into changing the genders of famous fictional characters.

 

Have you SEEN Hollywood? It does not need any help doing that all by itself.

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So I watched most of the Nazi reenactor wank snuff flick "My Honor Was Loyalty" a few hours ago. I say most of the film, because the experience was disrupted at times by my 4 month old daughter who had explosive flatulence thanks to today's long car ride and was in need of constant diaper changing. Of the two activities that I engaged in this evening, I'd say changing a reeking diaper was the more satisfying experience.

 

TIL from the film.

 

Apparently American paratroopers were just as bad of war criminals as the SS.

 

SS soldiers had, like, zero idea there was this thing called a Holocaust going on exterminating Europe's Jewry and the protagonist of the film only learned about it from some slob in the Wehrmacht.

 

Also I need to add a "Clean SS" onto my Wehrabingo card.

 

 

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   Watched Ghost in the Shell: We run out of ideas edition. In short - it is slightly above average, like 6 or 7 out of 10. 

 

   Movie is strange amalgamation of original movie and Stand alone complex series, and not in a good way. And they don't mix actual ideas from movies, as much as parts of plotlines and just scenes. Scarlett as Motoko was distracting, and looks like for almost whole movie her face was not working properly, giving that stupid "i am acting a robot" impression the whole time. She reminded me much more of Lucy than Major (probably because every fucking characters was telling to her how important she is).

 

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"I AM ACTING"

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[ACTING INTENSIFIES]

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NEVER ACTED SO HARD. AND YES RED LIPSTICK IS A MUST FOR CYBER CRIMES SOLVING

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WOW SOMEBODY TURN OFF HER "DEFAULT EMOTION" FACE FOR A MOMENT

 

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GONA WIN AN OSCAR. RED LIPSTICK WILL ALSO BE COVERED BY OPTICAL CAMO, YOU SILLY 

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Scarlett acting was inspired by this scene where Motoko's body is highly damaged and malfunctioning.

 

   And why on Earth she was casted as Motoko? Her acting in Lucy and in Marvel films shows different types of character that she can do (and in case of Lucy - that she can't). And Major was a bit more... athletic (yes, @Collimatrix, i know what you are going to say. And @T___A would like some screenshots from original, lol).

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   Motoko in a original had this... thoughtful, melancholic hopelessness that i really like, while in the live action adaptation she looks just dead or/and dumb.

 

   Anyway, i will go through this movie.

 

1) Don't expect any new ideas from this movie if you ever watched any of previous movies and series. In fact, as i said earlier, this movie takes some parts of plots from them and make them much more stupider by never exploring them deeper, they never reach even TV series level in this aspect.

 

   Main character is suffereng from amnesia with a past to be discovered (how original) and "Am i just a machine? -> I AM NOT A MACHINE!" drama from standart sci-fi script number 2701, and of course doctor that made her body is a "mother" figure that helps her to go trough standart sci-fi emotinal arc number 5632 of "I AM NOT A MACHINE!" of standart sci-fi script number 2701.

   Main bad guys are evil Hanka Corporation that wants to make everybody to be just a machine (standart sci-fi script number 2701!!!!) because reasons. Bad boss guy is yet another evil CEO that i forgot how name even sounds like. Qattar? Whatever. And yes, he is shady white rich male that will kill mother figure (personally, of course!) to motivate Scarlett to not like him.

   Secondary bad guy is actually slightly more interesting, Kuze (which is yet another stolen character from TV series and amalgamation of several characters) have motivation outside of just being bad. Although because this movie is too much ideas randomly stolen scenes put into 100 minute movie with too much footage of Scarlett's dead face, he never get enough time to be developed in any smart way, only hinting possible incredible scenes and twists that could have been made out of him.

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It's funny how a characters with clearly visible artificial-made face was acted better than Moko's (or Miko's... i forgot a name of main character, hahaha, in this film her name was changed from Motoko to something shorter).

 

   Main hero's side character, friend and fellow officer Batou was pretty good, maybe because he was writen as human and acted by one.

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   All other members of Section 9 had almost 0 time on the screen, which is shame as several of thouse could have been used to make this live action adaptation more interesting and alive. Like Saito (sniper, in one of recent series was used as sort of "comedic" character) or Ishikawa (old experienced member of unit), or Togusa (police detective that was transfered to unit, almost completely a human unlike rest of members. Several great scenes from anime TV series and movie made me care about this fictional character).

 

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High-caliber sniper "rifles" are usual toys for Saito.

 

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Togusa not very happy with his very short screentime

 

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Ishikawa in live action film (you can count seconds of how much he was on the screen) and in 1995 animated movie.

 

   Diologues were boring for the most part, i don't remember any of them outside of re-used ones from original (like scene on a boat) and several lines said by Aramaki during assassination attempt. I really don't like how they turned Motoko, a woman who was making job done and trying to understand the end game of events into some emotional teenager that tries to understand how world works by having personal identity crisis.

 

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He was great as an old "fox"

 

   The whole plot, the way it go through events and how it gets to end is not really interesting. The "politics-humans relationships-society in a cyber world" part of GiTS, that adds flavor to main story, is gone. No smart ideas, no smart twists, no provoking or mind-capturing concepts, this whole movie felt like on rails and empty at times (especially in the middle). Somebody took a bad quality photo of good art piece and decided to mass produce it to unwashed peasants on top of some packages for candies THAT ARE NOT THAT TASTY ANYWAY. 

 

2) Visuals

   They are pretty good at times. Scene with geishas was done well, outside of several small things that bothered me (hitmans scenes did not had clear sense of place/location and GAINT MUZZLE FLASHES), color, lighting, composition made thins scene just visually pleasing to watch.

 

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 Spider tank look almost real at times. And yes, it is controlled by evil CEO personally.

 

   Also they, using computer stuff, made Scralett's body a bit more athletic at times... which is confusing as at some parts of film she was normal-looking woman. Scenes in city, where all strange CGI-effects and big ass shiny ads were happening was on a background a lot of the times, which i liked as it was way more subtle that almost everything in this movie. 

   But some effects (like in a gif with a tank above where shells hits feels like stock SFX library "pufs") looks pretty cheap or not convincing. Cars in the movie looked also cheaply made studio-use only props that would be forgoten and disassembled a week after scene was done.

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Yes, this is a car that was used in the sci-fi movie. Bladerunner prop?

 

   And there is plenty of this  "good-average-bad-good-average-good-bad" kind of deal with cinematogrophy. Some times cuts were too fast for a scene, not giving you time to take it in you. Prime example - trash truck crew chase. In a original there was a section where hacked worker was running trough the city, and movie was showing you this city, both shiny and trash-filled parts of it, how layered it was with old and new, efficient and neglected parts. In this movie this scenes have just several seconds of this (again, completely taken from original). 

   Optical camo is also strange on Scarlett - when not active it still have this "electicity is blue" waves going all over suit, making it look more as a magical artifact than actual piece of equipment.

 

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At least in the original creators had a little fun with optical camo.

 

    So visuals are jumping all over the place at times, but mostly they are good.

 

3) Sound and music

   They suffer from Marvel's syndrom of "we will take what scene is trying to show and will make a music version, and in a forgetable way". All sounds are pretty standart sci-fi type of soundwork, and i don't remember any of the music. Compared to just opening of the original, the musical part of new movie as average at best. 

   In short - bland and boring.

 

4) Action

   Not bad, but after John Wick 2 action looks... not really stimulating. In the first scene they used obvious CGI model of Scarlett to... kick one of hitmans in the back... yeah. Fighting is average, i would even call it standart. The big action scene in the end with spider tank is way worse than in original, as in original she aknowledged a incredible danger from a tank, and acted like somebody in very risky situation. In a new film Scarlett don't even take cover when evil-CEO-controlled robot was shooting at her...

 

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A fight with hacked man in live action and in 1995 movie.

 

   There was not much of action, for original it was ok as it had more to keep attention of viewers, while in new movie we have Scarlett staring at a prostitute for a minute or laying in a bed with her "no facial expression" facial expression.

 

5) Conclusion.

   If you saw anything from GiTS and liked it - continue with original movie, movies after and TV series and don't see Holywood attempt to make a GiTS film. If you saw all of them - current one have no value. If you have no idea what GiTS is - don't start your journey with this Lucy 2.0.

 

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"That is some junk over there that i beat up completely".

 

 

   

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

    Watched Guardians of the Galaxy vol.2 with my sister.

    I say 8/10, expect light-hearted, character-driven pop sci-fi comedy to watch 1 or 2 (max) times. Can take your 10 years+ kids, friends, girlfreinds, wifes and almost anybody with you to watch it.

 

    Overal pretty well done, funny film to enjoy. Plot is secondary thing in it, most of this movie is in characters, how they react and act in events around them. Well writen, (can't say about English version, obviously), pretty well-paced (except 2 places). I like how this film is not super-serious, doesn't take it too seriously. 

 

    Characters are prety cool, they made them more "highlighted", main vilian is actually interesting and not some "i am bad because reasons!" generic uninteresting forgettable asshole. 

 

   Visuals are great, colourfull, pretty shots, different places make it visually enjoyable

 

   And it have greatest scene in last 2 years i saw - a shower of dead badguys, falling down past Rocket and Yondu while 80s pop music was playing on the background.

 Guardians-of-the-Galaxy-Vol.-2-Rocket-and-Yondu-e1476895483196.jpg

   

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14 hours ago, LoooSeR said:

   

    Overal pretty well done, funny film to enjoy. Plot is secondary thing in it, most of this movie is in characters, how they react and act in events around them. Well writen, (can't say about English version, obviously), pretty well-paced (except 2 places).

 

   

 

Surprise twist; the Russian version of Guardians of the Galaxy is completely re-cut, and the translation is 100% inaccurate.  The plot is completely different, and in fact it's a different genre altogether.

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On 08.05.2017 at 6:17 AM, Collimatrix said:

 

Surprise twist; the Russian version of Guardians of the Galaxy is completely re-cut, and the translation is 100% inaccurate.  The plot is completely different, and in fact it's a different genre altogether.

   Yes, it is different movie here, in Russia.

   Main plot is about group of young communists (Komsomoltsy) fighting against planet Ego - a representation of capitalism and egoism of the West. Movie shows alternative universe where main hero is Yuri Gagarin that did not managed to land on Earth and his ship went into deep space where he was found by aliens. All 80-s pop music was changed to Soviet music from 60s. Rocket is Enot, Gamora is Nadya, Drax became Putin that flyed into space after beint hit with nuke during his battle with Hillariwi Al-Clintoni and Yondu is old communist alien, that was seduced by the Capitalism side but joins komsomoltsy and sacrifices himself for ideas of Lenin and Stalin.    

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I enjoyed the movie, but can I say that I'm getting real sick of that apparently obligatory Marvel scene where the movie suspends anything that's actually happening so that all the characters can jump onto center stage and pose together in case the audience has forgotten about any of the characters in the last thirty seconds

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17 minutes ago, Vanagandr said:

I enjoyed the movie, but can I say that I'm getting real sick of that apparently obligatory Marvel scene where the movie suspends anything that's actually happening so that all the characters can jump onto center stage and pose together in case the audience has forgotten about any of the characters in the last thirty seconds

But MUH movie poster shot!

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