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Sturgeon

You Think You Know Ancient Fashion, but Ancient Fashion Is Danger

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My 10th century recreation of Kievan. Clothing and accessories based on finds from Birka Sweden and Chernihiv, Ukraine as well as other Norse/Slavic sites along the Volga trade routes.  (no, I don't look my age)  



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Some of the finds.  Extant textile finds are hard for this period due to the burial techniques and harsher climates. 

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Togas are also essentially a big half-circle of fabric:

 

fwavBqQ.gif

 

Except that togas are gigantic, which is how they have all those folds.

 

Now, Lindybeige has complained about business suits in the past:

 

 

But a modern business suit is a far more practical piece of clothing than a freaking toga.  For one thing, you can move your left arm.  At all.  You see, in addition to being covered by all those folds of cloth, the left arm is also partly responsible for keeping the silly thing on you.  And you do want to keep the toga on, because to be a real purist you shouldn't be wearing a tunic underneath.

 

But by the end of the Republican Era things had gone so far south that people were actually wearing tunics underneath their togas, and a certain pompous and insufferable windbag named Cicero made a point of mocking a certain populist upstart named Julius Caesar for his habit of wearing the toga so loosely that it trailed on the ground slightly.

 

I'm not sure when the toga went out of style as a formal garment, but it must have been an enormous relief.

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My clothing pictured above is actually really comfortable, easy to maintain, and practical. Wrapping up in a semi-circle length of fabric just seems like a real pain in the ass. 

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Now, Lindybeige has complained about business suits in the past:

 

 

 

Oh my fucking God, everything in LindyBeige's video is wrong.

 

First off.

 

HOW ABOUT FUCKING WEARING A SUIT THAT FITS??? And try taking off that God awful sweater made out of two inches of wool, harvested from some sheep that has spent its entire life living on the Orkney Island. No wonder why the suit is uncomfortable.

 

Suits make you look sharp and like a god damn grown up. Oh no, we can't have that!

 

You know what else suits are good for? Keeping all kinds of shit in. I can carry two full Beretta 92F magazines in the pockets of my suits and it looks great. And because I'm fucking wearing a suit, that means I can actually carry a full size semi-automatic handgun on my person almost anywhere and I won't print i.e. I won't be spotted carrying it. On top of fucking THAT, I can carry a flashlight in suit, cigarette lighter and other paraphernalia while going out to a show. 

 

On top of that, since I'm wearing a suit, that means I can wear a fucking trenchcoat and not look like some fucking neckbeard, fedora wearing hipster. And since I buy quality items, my trenchcoat can keep me fucking warm AND dry when I walk about downtown Seattle in the winter (spring or fall) when it is cold, gloomy and foggy and not be fucking soaked or freezing.

 

Wow. What do you know about that! Form AND fucking function.

 

Oh, one more thing. The Lindybeige channel is called such because the host likes to participate in a dance called the Lindy Hop, which is a 1920s style Jazz dance which originated in Harlem. Guess what men wore back in the 1920s to 1940s when they danced the Lindy Hop?

 

How about FUCKING SUITS!!!!!1!!!!!! 

 

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Wow. It sure fucking looks liek that guy's movement is impaired! Wow, he can't move around at all. There is no fucking way at all he is able to move his arms and he's stuck their like C3P0!!!

 

Oh wait, here's another!!!

 

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EHRMAGERD!!! HIS Movement is SO RESTRAINED. He can't MOVE AT ALL!!!

 

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FuCK NO. THIS GUY'S MOVEMENT IS SO IMPAIRED!!!

 

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LITERALLY NO MAN WAS ABLE TO DAnCE WEARING A SUIT!!!

 

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I think the crucial distinction here is that the suit must be well-fitted. A slightly badly-fitted suit sucks in ways that other outfits don't.

Living as I do in a part of the country which rarely dips below zero and got up to 40' last summer, I have to say that I strongly favour dropping the jacket and keeping the waistcoat for my pocket needs. But yeah, suits can be awesome.

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I think the crucial distinction here is that the suit must be well-fitted. A slightly badly-fitted suit sucks in ways that other outfits don't.

 

I think that's actually a feature, not a bug.

 

 

But by the end of the Republican Era things had gone so far south that people were actually wearing tunics underneath their togas, and a certain pompous and insufferable windbag named Cicero made a point of mocking a certain populist upstart named Julius Caesar for his habit of wearing the toga so loosely that it trailed on the ground slightly.

 

I'm not sure when the toga went out of style as a formal garment, but it must have been an enormous relief.

 

The impression I've gotten is that Caesar was basically a Roman hipster as far as fashion was concerned, confirm/deny?

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I think that's actually a feature, not a bug.

It feels like a bug when I need to have one of my jackets re-fitted because I gained a bit of upper body mass.

 

A well-fitting suit, on the other hand, is the business.

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