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Turtle-793x526.jpg

 

Always loved snapping turtles. I used to catch box tortoises as a kid, and I remember when soft-shell turtles were plentiful in the lakes where I grew up. But Alligator Snapping turtles take the cake in the "What the FUCK" category. 

 

I once showed a picture of an alligator snapping turtle to my girlfriend at the time, who grew up in El Paso. She thought it was fake. 

 

Ever wonder if someone would be stupid enough to allow a snapping turtle to bite them?

 

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Same guy, I think? Though this time he does it with a cast? This one is staged, I think. 

 

 

 

This video is near my home town, which is hilarious and amazing.

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CSB on snappers: I used to spend time in Haliburton when I was a kid. Theere was a golf resourt that had a lake that had large mouth bass that as a kid I thiough were fun to catch. Except there was a snapping turtle that kept stealing my fish.  He'd wait until I had it almost reeled in then grab them.  Bastard.

Caught him a few times.  Used to catch frogs and use them as bait.

 

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Back when I was a wee boy scout, my buddies and I went fishing in the river near our campsite, somewhere in West Virginia as I recall (could have been just about anywhere out east, though). My buddy, who was a fishing prodigy, had his line in the water on a homemade rod, and suddenly got a bite. He was trying to reel it in, but whatever was on the other line was much, much larger than anything we'd expected. With out help, he pulls the line in, and what comes up at first looks like a boulder about 4 feet across. Then the head broke the water. His jaw was large enough to comfortably cradle a watermelon, and he was PIIIIIISSED. I don't think I'd ever seen a turtle roar before, but this big mean bastard sure was. Turns out, we'd not actually caught the guy, but my buddy's hook had gotten caught in his back somehow, thought it was difficult to tell whether that was between a couple of plates or stuck in some skin.

 

So, we send one of our guys to run off and get the guys running the local animal shelter*, and they come rushing out to see this thing with a cage that looks about big enough to hold a parrot. When they get there, they pretty much dropped both the cage and their jaw and went "uhhhhh, we can't take something that big..." and instruct us to cut our line. Well, my buddy wasn't very happy about that (he'd caught it, after all!), but eventually we did.

 

That big bastard had to be near 200 years old, no kidding. I've seen a lot of honest-to-god alligator snapping turtles in the various places I've lived, and this guy was way bigger than any of them. He was so large and so pissed that it made for a totally surreal experience.

*There was this ramshackle animal shelter/petting zoo close to the campsite, in the event that anyone found any wounded or interesting animals. Sort of a boy scout thing, I guess.

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I'm looking up "largest alligator snapping turtles" on GIS, and none of them look anywhere near as big. I was, oh, 13-14 at the time? So not a whole lot smaller than I am now, I don't think.

Of course, it's not like I took out a tape measure and photographed the thing, so this is all just memory. But I guarantee you there are some positively Jurassic turtles out there in the rivers and swamps in the southeast.

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22 minutes ago, Sturgeon said:

I'm looking up "largest alligator snapping turtles" on GIS, and none of them look anywhere near as big. I was, oh, 13-14 at the time? So not a whole lot smaller than I am now, I don't think.

Of course, it's not like I took out a tape measure and photographed the thing, so this is all just memory. But I guarantee you there are some positively Jurassic turtles out there in the rivers and swamps in the southeast.

Well considering how big they get here when the 'growing' season is only about 3 months yeah, when the climate is more temperate I'd bet those ugly fuckers can get goddamned big.

 

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41 minutes ago, Sturgeon said:


Of course, it's not like I took out a tape measure and photographed the thing, so this is all just memory. 

You know what else is a memory? Bouncing .50 cals off of asphalt into the unprotected belly of Tigers.

 

But yes, they get monstrous. 

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Monster turtles are much more rare today than they were a century ago. Georgia's alligator snapping turtle population took a big hit in the 70s and 80s due to trapping and turtle populations are really finicky because it takes forever for them to age to sexual maturity.  I assume this applies to the other states they're found in too. 

 

I've only caught common snappers, which look just as wild in my opinion. 

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15 hours ago, Vanagandr said:

A friend kept a snapping turtle in his yard for pest control. It apparently had several cats and at least four raccoons to its name.

I would love to have one in a coy pond and just feed it for years.

 

Aka my entire life because it would outlive me easy.

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5 hours ago, Oedipus Wreckx-n-Effect said:

I would love to have one in a coy koi pond and just feed it for years.

 

Aka my entire life because it would outlive me easy.

If your talking about weeb carp/goldfish, then it is Koi.

 

 

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4 minutes ago, Oedipus Wreckx-n-Effect said:

Listen, if you're going to come into this country you are expected to learn the language.

coy

 

 

[koi] /kɔɪ/
 
adjective, coyer, coyest.
1.
artfully or affectedly shy or reserved; slyly hesitant; coquettish.
2.
shy; modest.
3.
showing reluctance, especially when insincere or affected, to reveal one's plans or opinions, make a commitment, or take a stand:
The mayor was coy about his future political aspirations.
4.
Archaic. disdainful; aloof.
5.
Obsolete. quiet; reserved.
verb (used without object)
6.
Archaic. to act in a coy manner.

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59 minutes ago, Oedipus Wreckx-n-Effect said:

Listen, this is just how my pond is. You can't ever get a straight answer from it, and that's fine. It's still more emotionally stable than most of the members on this forum. 

 

Fuck, it's more emotionally stable than the Admin.

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38 minutes ago, Jeeps_Guns_Tanks said:

That turtle in the OP is a fucking Monster.  A Mantis shrimp would even get its ass kicked!

 

 

 

I threw this in cause Mantis Shrimp are rad. 

 

My buddy had a mantis shrimp pet. They are nuts.

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12 minutes ago, Oedipus Wreckx-n-Effect said:

Except there might be one or two in politics.

 

That's pretty insulting to death turtles man. California is hive of scum and villainy for politicians.  

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