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This forum is for terrible movies; reviews and discussion thereof.

 

As 'terrible' is a bit subjective, I urge all posters not to be big whiny babies just because somebody insulted your favourite bad movie. Instead, let's celebrate that such ungainly creatures can exist at all and then dissect and eat them for our collective pleasure.

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So... I wrote a super-long review of Elektra, which got deleted by a power failure as I was about to hit send :(

 

Long story short: it sucks and is kind of emblematic of why Hollywood will never produce a decent movie based on a comic property and having a female lead character.

 

Recommendations: get blazed, watch the supercut and enjoy imagining a better story involving ninjas and ladies in corsets than the writers could apparently come up with. :ph34r:

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2P1qd2YVd5Q

 

New Line Cinema's 2000 Dungeons and Dragons film is a masterpiece of the medium.  If someone edited the film to remove every scene that doesn't have Jeremy Irons in it, then it would be perfect.

 

This is a staple of the "so bad it's good" bad film night tradition.  'Cause holy crap, this is a bad film and it's rather surprising that New Line would go anywhere near big fantasy IPs after this disaster, but they did a year later with Fellowship of the Ring.  Actually, it's surprising that they made films at all after this disaster, instead of joining together in a suicide pact.  This is a really terrible film.

 

The CGI is painfully conspicuous, the acting is laughably flat except for Jeremy Irons who is trying to compensate for everyone else by putting on a scenery-chewing that would make Brian Blessed and William Shatner sit up and take notes, and the plot is ragged and incoherent.  Oh, and there's this guy with blue lipstick I guess.

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Second film made it - the fight scenes were contrived to the point of ridiculousness, and the bit with the gold defied all logic. The third film makes the fellowship of the ring make no sense at all either, although I'll grant that the first was okish

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Second film made it - the fight scenes were contrived to the point of ridiculousness, and the bit with the gold defied all logic. The third film makes the fellowship of the ring make no sense at all either, although I'll grant that the first was okish

 

I think that more orcs were killed by randomly running into the hero's swords in the Barrel chase scene than during the Battle of Five Armies.

 

And if you're going to be making long, extended and contrived battle scenes, why the hell don't you have Beorn killing god damn goblins and worgs and nailing their hides to his cabin wall.

 

Other than Riddles in the Dark, THAT is what Hobbit fans wanted to see. Beorn shape-changing and kicking ass. But no. We can't have that. We have to have Peter Jackson shitting out love scenes between Tarial and one of the interchangeable dwarves. 

 

I still have a soft spot for his early films like Bad Taste and Braindead (Dead-Alive).  Alas, I've never had a chance to watch Meet the Feebles.

 

King Kong was also terrible despite Andy Serkis in black-face.

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American Sniper is a pretty recent movie that's terrible. The only conflict comes from all the characters being really bad at their jobs, and even general whatshisface that shows up later that lets American Sniper (I can't be bothered to remember any of the characters' names) hunt The Bad Guy becomes Stereotypical Buzzkill Suit in the ~30 seconds of screentime he has. Also the ending sucks. I know it's based on a true story, but come on. Liven it up a little. If you're going to shoot an unapologetic propaganda movie, at least try to make it exciting.

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American Sniper is a pretty recent movie that's terrible. The only conflict comes from all the characters being really bad at their jobs, and even general whatshisface that shows up later that lets American Sniper (I can't be bothered to remember any of the characters' names) hunt The Bad Guy becomes Stereotypical Buzzkill Suit in the ~30 seconds of screentime he has. Also the ending sucks. I know it's based on a true story, but come on. Liven it up a little. If you're going to shoot an unapologetic propaganda movie, at least try to make it exciting.

 

Ensign, I think what qualifies as unapologetic propaganda to Europeans qualifies as a nuanced, even-handed handling of the subject to Americans.

I don't normally use language this strong, but seriously, if the bad guys aren't literally demons incarnate and the good guys aren't literally Jesus' deputies on Earth (however flawed they may be to allow the audience to identify with them), then Americans think the movie is "grey" and "nuanced".

When we (and I mean "we" - myself included; I'm only self-aware about it) see European propaganda we think it's like super deep and shit.

I mean, take a great example: The movie Fury. I really liked this film, but it's nothing if not a propaganda film about how the Germins were bad and MURICA and stuff. But, I guess all the main characters aren't saints, and the writers didn't think just having them whomp up on Nazis was enough of an excuse to not give them some nominal amount of depth, so I really liked it anyway. I KNOW it's propaganda, but in the same way I KNOW the Panzer IV is cramped on the inside (i.e., as a "fact" only; I've never been inside a Panzer IV), fundamentally the film worked on me.

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I still can't see anything other than Moby Dick in a Sandbox from American Sniper. There's a pretty sound anti-war reading to be made from it in that it takes in all these guys and everybody who isn't a true believer or in it for revenge gets ground down, but any reading is pretty much propaganda for are brave hero.

 

Also the middle bit of the movie where they're running around with punisher skulls on their stuff makes me think of the Mitchell and Webb look where the SS guys are wondering if they're the baddies. I spent that section trying not to snort under my breath.

 

I'm pretty terrible at being an American though.

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Ensign, I think what qualifies as unapologetic propaganda to Europeans qualifies as a nuanced, even-handed handling of the subject to Americans.

I don't normally use language this strong, but seriously, if the bad guys aren't literally demons incarnate and the good guys aren't literally Jesus' deputies on Earth (however flawed they may be to allow the audience to identify with them), then Americans think the movie is "grey" and "nuanced".

 

Aren't they though? The only enemy characters you see for longer than a few seconds are the guy that drills a small child to death and the enemy sniper that shoots God Fearing Red White and Blue Blooded Americans in the back while they work. I mean ok, the vet that shot American Sniper was a bit shifty, but the ending was completely out of left field. It's like the director thought "damn, we need to end this movie, quick, shoot the guy" and didn't have enough time to develop any good reason why.

 

I mean okay, American Sniper is kind of a dick to his plastic baby and dog, but he's a good honest corn raised hard workin' American like them Duke boys that get into trouble but are ultimately fine young lads.

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From our side, at least we've got Neill Blomkamp showing us how South Africa is a dystopian shithole who's main products are graffiti, townships, violent aliens, gangsters and crazy weapons. A bit lacking in glorious nature scenes, though.

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Aren't they though? The only enemy characters you see for longer than a few seconds are the guy that drills a small child to death and the enemy sniper that shoots God Fearing Red White and Blue Blooded Americans in the back while they work. I mean ok, the vet that shot American Sniper was a bit shifty, but the ending was completely out of left field. It's like the director thought "damn, we need to end this movie, quick, shoot the guy" and didn't have enough time to develop any good reason why.

 

I mean okay, American Sniper is kind of a dick to his plastic baby and dog, but he's a good honest corn raised hard workin' American like them Duke boys that get into trouble but are ultimately fine young lads.

 

Ensign, as a hopelessly American lad, Russian films are seriously hard to watch. You gotta keep it simple for us poor muricans!

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I tried showing my friends Elusive Avengers. It's a children's movie, but since the villains are actually competent and not moustache twirlingly evil (except the main bad guy, but he's a fucker) and have some character besides "bad guy, wants to kill good guy", it was received poorly.

 

Even more poorly received: STALKER, four hours of walking about and dialog where it turns out the real evil was the human condition. I guess it would be especially disappointing to fans of the games, since it shares little with them but the title. I didn't even try Solaris, where the antagonist is an ocean.

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Aren't they though? The only enemy characters you see for longer than a few seconds are the guy that drills a small child to death and the enemy sniper that shoots God Fearing Red White and Blue Blooded Americans in the back while they work. I mean ok, the vet that shot American Sniper was a bit shifty, but the ending was completely out of left field. It's like the director thought "damn, we need to end this movie, quick, shoot the guy" and didn't have enough time to develop any good reason why.

 

I mean okay, American Sniper is kind of a dick to his plastic baby and dog, but he's a good honest corn raised hard workin' American like them Duke boys that get into trouble but are ultimately fine young lads.

 

For that matter how frequently do you see non-enemy Iraqis? I mean there's a war in a country and the people in that country barely make an appearance like they're an afterthought.

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