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The terrible movies and reviews thread


Toxn

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  • 4 weeks later...
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Watched Assasins Creed. I give it 6.5 out of 10 for drunken Fassbender. 

 

Script is boring and simplistic, several times movie just skips parts (especially in the first 10-15 minutes) and we (i and my friend) were sometimes puzzled with that ..."whait movie, what f cking happened? Hey, movie! Don't you think i didn't noticed that!"

 

Action is meh with speed-up kick and a lot of cuts which brakes action scenes and you can barely see what is happening. Only Drunken Fassbender somewhat tries to not be shit in action scenes. There is action scenes that happened completely inside of thick smoke, just to be sure that you don't see shit, lol.

 

Speaking about action parts that are hard to understand - there is a lot of dark scenes in this film, one of which was fight between main hero and main mini-boss (the only boss in this game movie) that was done by 2 dudes in dark clothes against dark wall with 2 brightly light up windows on edges of a shot. And they don't step out of dark part of room for half of fight at least... Overall cinematography of Assassin's Creed is kind of crap.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I watched Spectral with my wife.

It's like the movie equivalent of a stranger who comes up to you and starts chatting about the weather, only to eventually reveal that he thinks that alien cats did 9/11, the US keeps a base on the moon broadcasting mind control waves to stop people realising the truth and drinking methylated spirits is the secret cure for cancer. Which is to say; it starts off okay but then gets deeply retarded.

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28 minutes ago, Oedipus Wreckx-n-Effect said:

The Crow is horrible. The best thing to happen to it was the lead actor offing himself during filming. That's the only reason it is considered a "cult classic" by some.

Turbo Kid was dreadful. It is basically a Fallout 3 fan film sprinkled with really obnoxious '80s nostalgia. The movie literally opens with the main character finding a Rubik's Cube.

The script feels like it was written by an autistic spaz. ("This is my GNOMESTICK!" Hah hah hah isn't that funny? You're laughing, right? Heh. GNOMES.) Most of the scenes don't even make spatial sense - in the aforementioned opening scene, he picks up the cube, and then fumbles and drops it, and it rolls over to a bunch of impaled heads about 10 feet away, and the main character is SHOCKED to see them. Except that he rode in to that place on a bicycle, so he would have been able to see the heads from a good distance away. The acting is forgettable, even though some scenes that should be memorable. The sets are boring. The props are supposed to be these homages to '80s propmaking and costume design, but they just look like crap pulled out of a high school drama club costume closet. I could go on.

The fact that it has an 89% rating on RT and won a bunch of awards reflects VERY poorly on film reviewers in general.

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hEY AMERICAN MOVIE WATCHER PEOPLES. wE HEAR YOU LIKE GAME OF THRONES. wE HEAR YOU LIKE THAT IT HAS A BIG GIANT WALL BUILT BY THE ANCIENTS FOR SOME ARCANE PURPOSE. wE HEAR YOU LIKE THAT IT HAS BIG GIANT DRAGONS BREATHING FIRE. wE hEAR YOU LIKE CGI BATTLE SCENES WHICH ARE COMPLETELY UNREALISTIC AND AHISTORICAL. aLSO YOU LIKE MATT DAMON FOR SOME REASON.

tHEN HAVE WE GOT A TREAT FOR YOU!

 

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For whatever reason, my mom had never watched "The Big Lebowski". Fortunately, yesterday afternoon I was able to correct that oversight and we saw it together on one of the HBO channels which has been playing Coen Brothers films on repeat for the past couple weeks.

Short take away. She called it a classic. And loved the Walther Sobchak character (as do we all) and laughed out loud with the scenes involving the Nihilists.

Although this was her favorite scene...

 

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   Go watch John Wick 2, if you are action-film guy. Great action, great pacing and pretty effective use of screen time. Sets, cinematography, lighting, music is on par with really good action. Don't take kids and girlfriends with you, as this movie is 18+ violent.

 

 

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