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The Hilarious Song Conspiracy Theory Thread


Sturgeon
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A Song of Ice and Fire is a pretty good book series that has a lot of political depth and scheming. Combined with the Internet, this has led to countless conspiracy theories about the books and/or its inferior spin off show.

This thread is for mocking those theories, because they are often hilarious.

Let's begin.

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A Song of Ice and Fire is a pretty good book series 

 

The first three books maybe.  The fourth and fifth books are boooooooooooring.  How boring?  They managed to cram both of them into one season of the TV show (this after taking two seasons just for book Three!).  And it was the worst season of the show.  

 

Here is my conspiracy theory.  After book three, RR Martin completely ran out of ideas and has no idea how to dig himself out of the pit he created in the third book by killing off half of his good characters.  Look at the publication dates for the books.

 

A Game of Thrones (1996)
A Clash of Kings (1998)
A Storm of Swords (2000)
A Feast for Crows (2005)
A Dance with Dragons (2011)
 
First three books, six years total.  Books four and five, eleven years.  The dude either does not know how to finish this series or he is bored with it and milking it for what it's worth.  
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The first three books maybe.  The fourth and fifth books are boooooooooooring.  How boring?  They managed to cram both of them into one season of the TV show (this after taking two seasons just for book Three!).  And it was the worst season of the show.  

 

Here is my conspiracy theory.  After book three, RR Martin completely ran out of ideas and has no idea how to dig himself out of the pit he created in the third book by killing off half of his good characters.  Look at the publication dates for the books.

 

A Game of Thrones (1996)
A Clash of Kings (1998)
A Storm of Swords (2000)
A Feast for Crows (2005)
A Dance with Dragons (2011)
 
First three books, six years total.  Books four and five, eleven years.  The dude either does not know how to finish this series or he is bored with it and milking it for what it's worth.  

 

 

The show is pretty dumb by itself.

But, yeah, George has a task on his hands, regardless of whether he's fucked up and painted himself into a corner or not.

Would I be surprised if he has?

Does this look like my surprised face?

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The first three books maybe.  The fourth and fifth books are boooooooooooring.  How boring?  They managed to cram both of them into one season of the TV show (this after taking two seasons just for book Three!).  And it was the worst season of the show.  

 

Here is my conspiracy theory.  After book three, RR Martin completely ran out of ideas and has no idea how to dig himself out of the pit he created in the third book by killing off half of his good characters.  Look at the publication dates for the books.

 

A Game of Thrones (1996)
A Clash of Kings (1998)
A Storm of Swords (2000)
A Feast for Crows (2005)
A Dance with Dragons (2011)
 
First three books, six years total.  Books four and five, eleven years.  The dude either does not know how to finish this series or he is bored with it and milking it for what it's worth.  

 

 

You're not quite being fair, I think. When did he start working on GoT? That adds a little time. Also, AFfC and ADwD were both originally one book - and it's clear they got out of control - but having serious editing work to do to split one huge book into two big books also adds a lot of time. Plus, there's a lot more to keep track of in terms of plots and details now than there was when he was writing the first two or three, so keep that in mind, as well.

You'll note that TWoW is coming sooner than ADwD came after AFfC, for example.

Now, are the last two books boring? Yeah, kinda.

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Everyone with half a brain knows how the series will end, including the big old plot twist of who the Bastard Jon Snow's parents are. That has no doubt taken the starch out of GRRM. At this point, I don't hold much hope for the series since he will finish it with the audience of the HBO series in mind, dumbing the whole thing down further.

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Also, as far as the TV series goes, Charles Dance as Old Man Lannister is one of favorite screen villains of all time.  

 

Unfortunately for the TV show, their best actors were all playing characters slated to die, and their worst actors are all given long lives and lots of screen time.

 

Only big exception is Tyrion.

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