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Sturgeon's House

An Homage To Men's Pulp Magazines


Donward
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Once upon a time magazines focused on men. Real men. Real men who found themselves in trouble against impossible odds. Odds like being attacked by hundreds of weasels. While barely clothed. Usually while attempting to escape the clutches of Imperial Japanese soldiers or sadistic Nazis. Sadistic Nazis who also had sexually promiscuous women who needed rescuing. 

 

These were the days of high adventure!

 

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Rules for this forum post. Choose any men's pulp magazine from the 1930s-1970s that you wish. But you must include a paragraph (or more) describing the action.

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This Pachuko pirate encounters that dread nemesis of every eager, but ham-fingered man; goddamn fucking bikini straps.  He's gotten the shoulder straps off, but he's just making a hash of it.  Meanwhile, the girl in the polka-dot bikini is reconsidering her fantasy of being tied to a ship's wheel.  What even is the point of being tied to a ship's wheel?  She's still free to move around!  Look at the picture!  The ship's wheel isn't attached to anything but her!  The skipper of this ship wishes to intervene in this obviously botched amateur bondage scenario, but his crew reminds him that this is emphatically against the bro-code.

 

A disgruntled acquisitions officer spins a tale of budget cuts; THE WAR THAT NEVER ENDED.  The lass in the upper left is definitely not on drugs.

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When skinny dipping in the South China Sea in search for pirate's sunken treasure with a strange American whom you just met over a game of baccarat the night before, you never know when "Aunt Flo" will pay a visit. That's why the proper lady will rely on O.B. tampons. They're made in Germany, you know the Germans always make good stuff.

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Columbia is in the South China Sea now? :P

 

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Belesarius tried to out-pedant one of Sturgeon House's professional pedants. Such posturing is normal in the testosterone laden Clan of the comieboos where ones status is often determined by pointing out such details. The contest is good-natured, as it should be among two confident, square-jawed and ruggedly handsome individuals who are secure in their masculinity. But ultimately, as is the case on the field of honor, one of them has to be the winner...

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Belesarius tried to out-pedant one of Sturgeon House's professional pedants. Such posturing is normal in the testosterone laden Clan of the comieboos where ones status is often determined by pointing out such details. The contest is good-natured, as it should be among two confident, square-jawed and ruggedly handsome individuals who are secure in their masculinity. But ultimately, as is the case on the field of honor, one of them has to be the winner...

"Latest on the Hoxsey Cancer Clinic" might be the least exciting pulp article title I have ever seen.  

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Kids today with their fancy tactical rifles don't appreciate the heritage of the sport. All a man needs is a square jaw and a hairy chest, a blackamoor servant to carry the supplies and a 100+ year old Browning designed weapon in order to have a true adventure out in the wilderness.

 

Heady times indeed says another satisfied lever action rifle user.

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I just see some beds, alcohol, and a shitty chair that's chained to the wall.

No pool table, no bocce ball, no playing cards even.  No wonder those women look so bored.

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Meanwhile... I can't even come up with anything.  If you've seen what small, oafish and inoffensive creatures marine iguanas are, this is about as threatening as surrounding your evil throne with angora rabbits.

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