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Sturgeon's House

The Bad Fanfiction Museum


Collimatrix
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Reading good fanfiction is boring, unless it's called "The New Testament" or "The Aeneid."

 

Bad fanfiction, on the other hand, is a superb field full of amazing material.

 

As a baseline of comparison, we shall start with Doom:Repercussions of Evil:

 

 

ff.net link

 

See? Wasn't that fun?  The first hit is free.  The next will cost you... YOUR VERY SOUL.

 

 

Yes, your soul will be raped eternally by the demonic spheres as they torment you with groinsaws and every vagina in the galaxy explodes!

 

Seriously, HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH is so bad that it's transcendent.  It also has the rare distinction of being unspeakable, since it has no vowels in the title.

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Well, the ultimate goal of my 40K stuff was to make a Gaunts Ghost-esque series cut out of a small corner of the 40K-verse ala the Sabbat Worlds that has its own Space Marine Chapter, Imperial Guard regiments, and cute sanctioned psykers, but I've been too busy to write new updates. (aside from expanding on the TO&E of one of the feature regiments, which has undergone numerous revisions and is now a 6,000-strong Mechanized Infantry unit)

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 A weight lay across Jaina's chest, and the inside of one ear was being warmed by a soft, pulsing growl. The dormitory air was filled with a comforting melange of refresher soap and body smells from a dozen different species, but the predominant odor, familiar and musky and strongest, was human.

Male human.

Zekk.

 

 

 Jeana reached down and felt his arm across her, and his leg a bit lower, then slowly turned her head. Through a lingering fog of membrosia excess, she saw the familiar chiseled features surrounded by a frame of shaggy black hair. Thankfully, he was still clothed.

 

 

 The previous night came flooding back to her: Unu's arrival at Jwlio, the Dance of Union, the Taat drifting off into the Harem Cave, the Joiners leaving in twos and threes and fours, her hand in Zekk's...

 

 

 ...But last night had not felt like them. They had been carried along on a wave of Killik emotion. He had sought her out in the rapture of the dance, even when he knew she did not share his feelings, and found himself leading her down into the dormitory with all the Joiners-

"Zekk, we didn't do anything," Jaina said. She could have answered him more quickly and clearly just by thinking, but right now she needed the sense of sparation that came with speaking-even if it was an illusion. "It was just a little cuddling between friends. You have a problem with that?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This was canon.

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I'm somewhat amazed that the Star Wars EU actually got worse than when I read it. There were like one and a half actually worthwhile series ever. But that people got teary about that becoming not canon is horrible.

 

The only thing worth saving in Star Wars was was Thrawn and KOTOR II. Everything else deserved to burn.

 

JJ Abrams after spending 30 minutes in Wookieepedia:

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The only thing worth saving in Star Wars was was Thrawn and KOTOR II. Everything else deserved to burn.

 

JJ Abrams after spending 30 minutes in Wookieepedia:

 

The Mandalorian Armor trilogy was pretty fantastic because KW Jeter is a legit author and came up with more cool weird stuff than basically everyone else ever, and the books Allston wrote for the X-Wing series are worth saving even if not as canon because they read like a highlights reel of a really fun PnP RPG game. Other than that, KotOR 2 is fantastic and well worth saving.

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