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LostCosmonaut

Randall Munroe is an Ignorant Philistine Who Lacks Taste

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Toxn, you a really going to start an apple war with someone who has grown up in Washington?

 

The only reason green apples (presumably Granny Smith) taste "better" is because you're only getting nasty, mushy red delicious apples that have spent two years in a nitrogen filled warehouse.

 

There are so many different varieties of red apples that there's no contest.

 

Given the choice, I'll take pears over apples.

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Watermelon. Needed for consumption. 1 sharp-ish knife at least six inches in length. Cut into lengthwise quarters. Place red part to food hole. Consume red part. Remember to spit out seeds. Stop when you reach white/green part.

 

Grapefruit. Needed for consumption. 1 knife. 1 spoon. One saucer or bowl. Sweetener such as sugar. Cut grapefruit in half around the fruit's equator. Use knife to cut multiple (16-24) incisions inside the grapefruit to separate the fruit wedge bits from the tough wedge membrane. Then use the knife to cut around the orbit of the fruit separating it from the tough skin. Place on saucer or bowl. Sprinkle with sugar. Repeat on other grapefruit hemisphere. Use spoon to dig out the wedge fruit carefully without squirting you or your neighbor with juice. After fruit is consumed, use the grapefruit skin as a bowl to drink the remaining grapefruit juice. Remember not to eat seeds which are called "pips".

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First off, peaches are disgusting.  Lemons are great, they can be used to make many things taste better.  Also, where the heck are limes on this chart?  Limes are essential in fighting both scurvy and malaria (as a garnish in a gin and tonic).  I just realized my primary criteria for judging fruit involves how they improve mixed drinks. 

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Watermelon. Needed for consumption. 1 sharp-ish knife at least six inches in length. Cut into lengthwise quarters. Place red part to food hole. Consume red part. Remember to spit out seeds. Stop when you reach white/green part.

 

Grapefruit. Needed for consumption. 1 knife. 1 spoon. One saucer or bowl. Sweetener such as sugar. Cut grapefruit in half around the fruit's equator. Use knife to cut multiple (16-24) incisions inside the grapefruit to separate the fruit wedge bits from the tough wedge membrane. Then use the knife to cut around the orbit of the fruit separating it from the tough skin. Place on saucer or bowl. Sprinkle with sugar. Repeat on other grapefruit hemisphere. Use spoon to dig out the wedge fruit carefully without squirting you or your neighbor with juice. After fruit is consumed, use the grapefruit skin as a bowl to drink the remaining grapefruit juice. Remember not to eat seeds which are called "pips".

 

Or just peel it like an orange and man the fuck up.

 

 

Toxn, you a really going to start an apple war with someone who has grown up in Washington?

 

The only reason green apples (presumably Granny Smith) taste "better" is because you're only getting nasty, mushy red delicious apples that have spent two years in a nitrogen filled warehouse.

 

There are so many different varieties of red apples that there's no contest.

 

Given the choice, I'll take pears over apples.

 

I'd put pears ahead as well, yes.

 

As for apples, we're one of those places that sends all our best produce overseas. Given that I then have the choice between a terrible, floury red and an edible granny smith I'd take the latter any day.

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Grapefruit. Needed for consumption. 1 knife. 1 spoon. One saucer or bowl. Sweetener such as sugar. Cut grapefruit in half around the fruit's equator. Use knife to cut multiple (16-24) incisions inside the grapefruit to separate the fruit wedge bits from the tough wedge membrane. Then use the knife to cut around the orbit of the fruit separating it from the tough skin. Place on saucer or bowl. Sprinkle with sugar. Repeat on other grapefruit hemisphere. Use spoon to dig out the wedge fruit carefully without squirting you or your neighbor with juice. After fruit is consumed, use the grapefruit skin as a bowl to drink the remaining grapefruit juice. Remember not to eat seeds which are called "pips".

 

These truly are strange days, when thoughts such as these haunt the minds of men.

 

 

  Also, where the heck are limes on this chart? 

 

Argument for thread title, exhibit B.

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Toxn's fancy-pants guide to properly eating a grapefruit:

 

Step 1:

Cut off ends

srIN4Zx.jpg

 

 

Step 2: peel like an orange (side cuts can be used if need be)

eQcqYYt.jpg

 

 

Optional step: cut excess white stuff off sides

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Step 3: Cut into pieces and eat.

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NOTE: you can do nearly all of this stuff without even using a knife.

 

ANOTHER NOTE: I have never been squirted in the eye doing it this way

 

A FINAL NOTE: This grapefruit sat on my counter for six months before I ate it. Proof that citrus are awesome and god's gift to sailors.

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First off, peaches are disgusting.  Lemons are great, they can be used to make many things taste better.  Also, where the heck are limes on this chart?  Limes are essential in fighting both scurvy and malaria (as a garnish in a gin and tonic).  I just realized my primary criteria for judging fruit involves how they improve mixed drinks. 

The tastiness of limes is unquantifiable, and therefore limes cannot be located on this particular graph. Attempting to assign numerical values to enjoyment brought by the consumption of limes has cost many scientists their careers, and some their very lives. This is why we simply do not ask such meaningless questions as "Why are limes so tasty?" and "How tasty are limes compared to other fruit?". We need only to know that they are tasty and enjoyable, both on their own and in mixed drinks.

 

Also, lemons have accidentally had the "tasty" value inverted, and should be near the limits of the "tasty" side.

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Limes are a complimentary fruit. They're only good when combined with another product such as mixed drinks, nachos or pies. In effect, they are the Ringo Starr of the citrus world.

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