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Collimatrix

Collimatrix's Terrible Music Thread

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A promotional video for the challenger 2 main battle tank with Gustav Holst's Mars, Bringer of War.

 

This wonderful piece of music is on the shortlist of pieces that I would like for my leitmotif.  Prokofiev's Dance of the Knights, Mussorgky's Night on Bald Mountain, or Prokofiev's wolf's theme from Peter and the Wolf.

 

I really like Prokofiev.  Sorry Gustav Holst; this post was supposed to be about you.

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It's not twee enough in here.

 

As I look back on my life's long list of frustrations, fancies and failures, I realize that all I needed to succeed... was more twee.

 

 

The Cardigans come from Sweden, a country known for its extremely bipolar tendencies.  Hippies or vikings, endless sunlight of summer, or eternal black night of winter, ABBA or Bathory; Sweden is either very happy, or very angry.

 

The Cardigans are of course in the former camp.  Their early material (which is all that's worth listening to) is like having your face shoved into a big bowl of sugar, and your nose and your mouth are filled with sweetness, and your eyes are filled with sweetness and they start to burn and hurt and the man who is shoving your face into the bowl of sugar says that if you don't tell him what he wants to know, this could go on a long, long time.  It's so happy it hurts.  It's so girly it wraps all the way around and becomes androgynous.  It's so cheery and innocent that you start thinking about getting an axe and some mead and stealing your neighbor's livestock and women.

 

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Don't be sore, cuz three out of four is nine percent better than Meatloaf's... score.

 

Nah, there are plenty of other rotund singers. I wanted to keep it to best of three with as wide selection of genres, sexes and races as possible.

 

Besides.

 

Fats Domino > Chubby Checker.

 

There. I said it.

 

I was going to post more to backup this claim. But I get distracted by a video of Putin lounge singing.

 

 

Thus turning what was an upbeat tune into the sound track to a frightening, dystopian future and enshrining once again my belief that Putin gets all of his cues from the best of our Hollywood villains.

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I would be very surprised and disappointed if Putin does not have a shark tank that he throws his enemies and underperforming minions into.

 

Not sharks with laser beams on their heads.  In the 1980s, the Russians learned that Reagan was spending billions of dollars on sharks with lasers on their heads, and they entered into a disastrous, expensive crash program to make their own laser-head-sharks, which contributed to the collapse of the Soviet economy.  Never again; they learned their lesson the first time.

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Does Russia even have any immediate access to man-eating sharks within its territorial waters? I think the only one that would even come close would be the Salmon Shark (which is an awesome little beasty that makes its way up to Alaska and the Bering Sea).

 

Given this blog, maybe Putin has Man-eating Sturgeon?

 

And since I'm trying to connect dictators and sharks and have them somewhat related to a musical act, I'll share one of my favorite ways of deciding whether a dictator, terrorist group or bunch of bad guys is newsworthy. And that's whether they've killed as many people as a Great White concert.

 

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I just realized that the Motley Crue song "Dr. Feelgood" has basically the same guitar hook at the earlier AC/DC song "Night of the Long Knives."  It also occurred to me that "Night of the Long Knives" is a really terrible concept to base a song on.  Seriously, read the lyrics.  Is the song supposed to be from the perspective or Ernst Rohm or something?  Or did AC/DC just hear the phrase somewhere and figure it sounded bad-ass?

 

Night Of The Long Knives Angus Young - Malcolm Young - Brian Johnson
 
who your leader who your man
who will help you fill your hand
who's your friend and who's your foe
who's your Judas you don't know
night of the long knives
night of the long knives
night of the long knives
night of the long long knife
 
where's that saviour
where's that light
when your prayin' for your life
who's that fightin' back to back
who's defending who's attack
night of the long knives
night of the long knives
night of the long knives
night of the long
long knife
 
stab him in the back
 
it’s the night of the long knives
night of the long knives
night of the long knives
it's the night of the long long knife
 
it's the night of the
night of the
night of the long long knife

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I actually like Brian Johnson AC/DC more.  I know I shouldn't, but I can't help myself.  

I would diagnose you with a guilty pleasure. I like Highway to Hell and a couple other earlier songs from AC/DC, but I don't like Johnson's songs at all. 

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I think we need some particularly terrible new music.

 

 

This song and video is so delightfully tacky. It is like digging through a dumpster shared by a Chinese restaurant and a adult video store in the summertime with each layer uncovered revealing an entire new level of olfactory and visual putrescence.

 

The main reason I leave it here is a question over the song's hook with the singer proclaiming that she is a "Black wittle baby". Now they may want you to think that she is saying "Black Widow baby" by fooling you with all of the spider imagery. However I feel that the diminutive phrase is the correct one considering that Iggy Azalea is affecting a baby-type voice.

 

Also, those girls obviously have had training with those katanas...

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