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I give you without exception, the movie that was so bad that after airing in it Lithuania the entire population voted to reunite with Russia, the movie that Kim Jong Um called, "my sort of flick", the film that broke all the rules, then made up twenty new rules and broke them, the film that the Dahli Lama declared he would rather torture a nun than watch again, The film that the laws of 41 nations and four terrorists groups make a mortal sin to embed in a web pages, the cinema experience that define Gary Busey's career as finally over.  I give you 

 

GHOST ROCK

 

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You see, Gary, if you flick your wrist when you shoot revolver, you will make boolits go faster and always hit the target.

 

 

If you watch the movie you learn a lot about tactics.

 

1.  Three guys almost always line up in a row for a center of mass shot that kills all three.  Despite being in enfilade with each other, they will still be shooting at you.

 

2. When presented with an off-axis threat the best way to engage it is to do a to a quarter-spin barrel roll from standing position to land on your stomach.

 

3.  When under cover and presented with a target, the best way to engage the target is to leave cover, do a shoulder roll, and engage the enemy with a snap shot.

 

4a. When naked in a bath and armed only with two revolver, the best defensive move when assaulted by 15 armed men is to leave your bath and shoot it out while walking down the hall.

 

4b.  Of course, those revolvers you always take into your bath with you are pretty reliable considering.

 

4c.  Considering she shoots 16 times, I am left to worry about where her spare ammo was kept.

 

4d. And of course, when presented with two targets on either side the skilled pistoleer engaged them by crossing his/her arms and shooting double off-handed.

 

4e. Damn good gas seal on the one she has pressed to her chest.  Last Frontier I shot burned by hand a little.  

 

4f.  Guys bath with pants and hat on.  

 

5.  When caught in the open and under fire from multiple targets, the best solution is to advance parallel with those targets, spinning as you move, firing each quarter turn.  The spinning confuses the hell out of them.

 

6.  When facing a gunman mano y mano, the most accurate way to engage them is to leap in the air shooting two revolvers at the same time.  Likely they will do the same.  More than likely you will land four feet from each other with a thud, and have to engage in some western martial arts.

 

7a. Capoeira is the most common martial art practiced by the western outlaw in the 1880s.

 

7b. Be careful, the bartender, prostitutes, and the guy who empties the outhouse are experts at it. 

 

8.  A man running who is shot in the chest will have enough energy to continue running 20 paces and dive off a porch, breaking the banister.

 

9. James Hong - for when you cannot afford both comedy relief and Mr. Miagi, combine it into one character.

 

10.  Adrienne Barbeau.  Remember when she was married to Carpenter and did not have it take this sort of role?

 

11.  One liners.  Did gunfighters in the west have personal writers?

 

The worst: no it is not a comedy.  They are serious with this thing.

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If you watch the movie you learn a lot about tactics.

 

1.  Three guys almost always line up in a row for a center of mass shot that kills all three.  Despite being in enfilade with each other, they will still be shooting at you.

 

Hmm, why does this sound familiar?

 

....

 

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The late Don LaFontaine could make any movie sound awesome in the trailers.

 

 

Also, we can thank Futurama for making "The Forbidden Zone" relevant again.

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